Yves here. This article highlights the importance of emotional intelligence in managing conflicts and regulating behavior. Although it doesn’t delve into other applications—such as negotiation, sales, or even manipulation—it clearly illustrates that on average, women possess a distinct advantage in emotional intelligence that isn’t anchored in genetics.
Whenever I encounter discussions on this topic, I often feel bewildered by how many overlook the profound effects of gender role conditioning. Perhaps my perspective is shaped by my upbringing, as I had little exposure to traditional female roles at home, leading to challenges in social settings and school when I failed to conform to expected behaviors.
I suspect that a fundamental reason for this advantage lies in the fact that, generally, women tend to be smaller and physically weaker than men. This dynamic necessitates that women approach interactions carefully to avoid provoking male aggression and be skilled in calming such situations when they arise. Media portrayals frequently reinforce the notion of female fragility and the need for protection. During my time caring for my mother, I watched numerous crime shows, where the recurring theme was a woman cornered by a man intent on violence. In almost every instance, the woman would cower, even when she had the means to defend herself. The idea of women using violence as a response seems almost taboo. This perspective aligns with the training I received from a former Navy SEAL who taught that smaller, weaker individuals could incapacitate larger aggressors by effectively targeting vulnerable points on the body.
By Mary M. Hausfeld, Assistant Professor in Management, University of Limerick and Jochen Menges, Director of the Center for Leadership in the Future of Work, University of Zurich. Originally published at The Conversation
When you think of someone with high emotional intelligence, who comes to mind? Perhaps it’s someone who can effortlessly read a room, defuse tensions, and knows exactly how to support a friend in distress. For many, that person is often a woman—an assumption deeply ingrained in popular psychology.
To investigate this belief, our recent study, led by Dr. Vera Hampel and co-authored by Leon Bach, examined nearly 30 years of research encompassing 76 countries and over 600,000 individuals. Our objective was straightforward: Are women genuinely more emotionally intelligent than men? The primary conclusion is affirmative: on average, women score higher.
However, the more insightful finding is the specific areas of emotional intelligence where women excel, as well as the implications of these skills.
Emotional intelligence encompasses the ability to recognize, understand, and regulate emotions, both in oneself and in others. Upon analyzing various aspects of emotional intelligence, it became evident that women’s proficiency lies primarily in understanding and responding to the emotions of others.
This entails grasping what someone else is feeling, decoding the underlying reasons, and assisting them in managing their emotions. While many men excel in these skills, and many women do not, our findings represent averages rather than specific traits of individuals.
Could these differences stem from biology? While we can’t completely dismiss biological or hormonal influences, two patterns in our data suggest a different narrative. First, the female advantage is significantly less pronounced in children compared to adults, and second, this gap has been narrowing over the decades covered by our research. This diminishing disparity contradicts the idea of a fixed trait established at birth. Although our study doesn’t provide exact reasons for these emerging differences, the trends align with characteristics shaped through experience.
There is also a probable source contributing to this experience: research indicates parents often use a richer vocabulary of emotion words when communicating with daughters, and they more frequently encourage girls to reflect on their feelings.
In contrast, boys are often directed toward managing their emotions by suppressing them. Their sisters are encouraged to explore these feelings with others, precisely the social and emotional skills that our data indicates women typically excel in.
In essence, girls seem to receive more opportunities to practice understanding and addressing others’ emotions from an early age. Just as any skill developed through repetition—be it mastering a new language or instrument—the more one practices, the more intuitive it becomes.
Moreover, a 2019 meta-analysis across 58 studies highlights that emotional intelligence can indeed be trained, with gender having no significant impact on the effectiveness of learning these important skills.
This discovery is encouraging. If emotional intelligence is a developable skill rather than an inherent trait, then the existing gap is not predetermined. This implies that men can also enhance their emotional intelligence, benefiting them in contexts like negotiations and work environments.
However, there’s also a more uncomfortable consideration. If women’s emotional advantages go unacknowledged as a genuine skill, they risk being taken for granted. The colleague who excels at diffusing tension may be perceived as always available to do just that. A natural talent can easily shift into an unspoken obligation that often goes unrecognized and unrewarded.
This dynamic plays out routinely in workplaces. Organizations thrive when employees effectively manage team tensions, support stressed coworkers, and resolve conflicts. While this crucial work maintains a team’s functionality, it seldom translates into tangible recognition in performance reviews.
Addressing this requires actionable changes. First, organizations should recognize and reward such contributions during evaluations and promotion considerations. Second, it’s crucial to invest in emotional intelligence training for all employees.
The same principles apply beyond the workplace. In families and friendships, the individual who checks in on a friend experiencing a tough week, or who notices when someone has stopped engaging in conversation, is providing essential support. Yet, this often goes unnoticed simply because it appears effortless.
None of this undermines the genuine strengths women bring to emotional intelligence. Our data reveals a tangible advantage for women in this domain. However, when such strengths are assumed rather than cultivated, and expected rather than shared, we do a disservice to everyone involved. The person everyone turns to in challenging times is not merely fortunate or inherently gifted—they have likely had more opportunities to practice.
Ultimately, we need to ensure that everyone has equal chances and motivation to develop these vital skill sets and recognize that emotional intelligence is a valuable capability worth nurturing.
