Fairness toward oneself can be a challenging endeavor. This struggle intensifies for those who are prone to overthinking—often leading to self-judgment that taints the present moment. Subconscious judgment can sabotage your happiness, impacting how you relate to yourself and others. So, how can you learn to judge yourself less?
At its core, self-judgment revolves around fixating on things you dislike about yourself or your circumstances. This persistent judgment can feel like a constant battle within, as you criticize your every action and feel pressured to be or do something different from who you are.
HOW TO JUDGE YOURSELF LESS
WHAT IS JUDGMENT?
It’s ironic how I’ve found myself judging others for their judgments. When I witness gossip, I feel a surge of anger, only to realize I’m engaging in the very behavior that frustrates me. This cycle of judgment is often more about projecting our insecurities than it is about the people we criticize.
Isn’t it common to ask yourself:
- Am I good enough?
- Am I doing enough?
- Will I ever succeed?
- Do I have what it takes to be a good partner, parent, or caretaker?
Self-judgment is typically fueled by fear and doubt, creating barriers that hinder your path forward in life.
BY JUDGING OTHERS, YOU’RE JUDGING YOURSELF
Realizing that judging others equates to judging ourselves can be a difficult concept to embrace. Often, we compare ourselves to those we envy—those who seem more successful, are in happy relationships, or maintain good health. These traits signify what we long for, revealing our insecurities and, consequently, our judgments.
What does this say about our expectations? We hold others to the same standards with which we evaluate ourselves, forgetting that everyone’s path is unique and that we aren’t meant to dictate others’ values.
THE GOAL ISN’T TO STOP JUDGMENT ALTOGETHER
Completely halting judgment is nearly impossible since it’s an intrinsic part of being human—and, at times, it can even be constructive. Imperfection, change, and challenges are all certainties in life. The aim isn’t to reach a state of perfect enlightenment; it’s about recognizing judgment when it arises and releasing it without attaching guilt.
As Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Much of our internal discourse involves replaying scenarios, obsessing over minor mistakes, and criticizing both ourselves and others. Acknowledging the origins of such judgments allows you to cultivate mindfulness in your daily life.
Recently, I’ve begun reducing my medications, leading to emotional turmoil and irritability. There have been moments when I lashed out over trivial matters. When I recognized my behavior, I felt remorseful and ashamed. A heartfelt apology followed—made easier by my understanding partner, who reassured me that it was a temporary challenge.
These experiences aren’t easy to navigate. As I calmed down, I had to remind myself that the critical voice in my head doesn’t represent my true nature. This realization applies to everyone—you can’t eliminate self-judgment completely, but you can diminish its emotional weight.
To judge yourself less, cultivate mindfulness and gently dismantle the emotional baggage that often accompanies judgment.
Embracing those judgmental thoughts without self-criticism can be liberating. Acknowledge the existence of those thoughts, observing them without further judgment. Instead of thinking, “I am not good enough,” think, “I have a thought that I’m not good enough.” Reflect on whether your thoughts stem from a place of love or judgment, and let them go. Release judgment, continuously reminding yourself to act from a place of love and peace.
Another quote from Marianne Williamson resonates with me: “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be??”
This self-judgment should not hinder you from becoming the person you aspire to be.
The journey toward self-discovery and acceptance can be long. Stop doubting yourself. While it’s important to strive for improvement, approach your growth with love and compassion instead of relentless scrutiny.
Release yourself from self-punishment. Understand that setbacks happen without reason. Making mistakes does not define your worth or capabilities. Instead, cultivate grace and positivity in your relationship with yourself. Allow your true self to shine, and you’ll inspire others to do the same.
