Life can take unexpected turns that challenge our sense of self. Through personal hardships, we often find it difficult to remember that our identity is not defined by our circumstances. This reflection dives into that journey of self-discovery and resilience, offering insights on how to navigate adversity.
It’s 2016, and I find myself happier than ever before. For the first time, everything seems to be falling into place, and I’m thriving, embracing life like never before.
Then, at the end of the year, I face my first real loss, and it shatters me.
While I struggle to rebuild, six months into 2017, I find myself in an accident. Initially, it doesn’t seem significant.
However, within weeks, I transition from fully engaging in life to enduring constant debilitating pain, limiting my activities to simply lying on the couch.
I’ve attempted—and failed—hundreds of times to return to the things I once cherished. “I’ll try again tomorrow,” I would tell myself after struggling to finish a workout. “I’ll try again tomorrow,” I’d reassure myself when I couldn’t hold my camera for longer than ten minutes, or when I couldn’t even get out of bed due to racing thoughts. Tomorrow arrives, yet I remain confined to my bed, fighting to reclaim my life.
It felt as if I was losing the essence of who I am.
But that’s the paradox of life, isn’t it? Sometimes it gets messy and difficult.
Frustrated, I repeatedly pondered: why me? Why now? How can I move forward from this? How can I regain my footing? Will I ever be the person I once was?
That entire year felt like a blur, as if life was moving in fast-forward while I stood helplessly by.
Then I reminded myself: you are not defined by what happens to you.
A GENTLE REMINDER THAT YOU ARE NOT WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU
Losing Yourself
As a young girl, I never imagined I could look in the mirror and be content with what I saw. For much of my life, I struggled to like anything about myself. The toll of being controlled and manipulated distorted my self-image. When you’re told something long enough—even if it’s not true—you begin to believe it, and that belief can linger for years.
Yet, with determination and inner strength, you learn to forgive yourself. You find peace, let go of your past, and surround yourself with people who help you recognize your true self, who you really are. You realize how to let go of the past and start anew.
After years of hard work, I finally felt confident, strong, and beautiful. But following the accident, I sensed that I was gradually losing everything I had worked so hard to build. Day by day, I felt less like myself. Although my eating habits remained unchanged, my body began to react differently. I couldn’t accept my doctor’s insistence that high cortisol levels and stress were the culprits, nor could I handle no longer being able to run or spend time in my studio. I wanted to thrive but felt betrayed by my body; I no longer felt empowered or beautiful.
The impact on my mind was just as damaging. Months of medication for anxiety left me feeling numb. I wanted to write and to engage in activities that once filled me with joy, yet I felt nothing. All my confidence seemed to evaporate. When I sat down to write, I found myself staring at a blank page for what felt like hours. It felt as if everything I had worked for was slowly being stripped away.
But It Wasn’t Gone; It Was Being Tested.
“When something bad happens, you have three choices: you can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” Your mind is one of the most powerful tools you possess. It can either free you or confine you—the choice lies in your hands. If you repeatedly tell yourself you are “weak,” you will eventually internalize that belief. If you focus solely on your misfortunes, that becomes your new reality.
I realized that I was speaking more about my struggles than celebrating my joys. I was recounting a sad story again and again. Then it hit me: the only way to move forward is to practice what I’ve preached for years: life is what you make of it.
Sometimes, life forces change upon you, and in those moments, you must stay resilient. Focus on what you can control. Utilize the tools you’ve gathered—such as cutting out negativity, practicing mindfulness, and expressing gratitude—especially in times of unexpected hardship.
Stop Asking: Why Me?
When calamity strikes, the question that arises is often: why me?
It’s important to recognize that the world doesn’t revolve around any individual. When hardship strikes, it can feel as if you’re watching events unfold from a distance.
Life isn’t defined by what happens to you, but by how you respond to it. While your pain and suffering are valid, how you choose to face adversity is up to you. Remember that it’s okay to not feel okay. You don’t need to be strong all the time. Allow yourself moments to feel your emotions, but afterwards, it’s essential to rise and continue moving forward.
If you dwell on self-pity, believing you can’t progress, you will remain immobilized. Don’t let yourself be the reason you feel stuck.
Maintain a Grateful Heart
Recently, while driving to work, I heard an interview featuring 19-year-old Jarielys Quijano, who is battling Osteosarcoma in her spine. Despite being told she has about a year and a half left, her spirit was vibrant, filled with gratitude and joy. One profound statement she made brought tears to my eyes: she wished to walk freely, cook with her husband without assistance, and dance again. Her core message was to embrace life, engage in what you love, and be thankful for your capacity to dance, run, or swim. She inspired me, reminding me of the strength of attitude despite challenging circumstances.
Throughout the past year, I’ve encountered remarkable individuals—whether permanently disabled or battling illness—who radiate inspiration. Their resilience and zest for life are infectious, proving that they are not defined by their experiences.
Even if there are moments when you feel at your lowest, remember that the only way to go is up. You may be tempted to ask: “why me?”
Don’t let that question hold you back. Sometimes, adversity forces you to recognize all that you already have. Often, you discover your inner strength when faced with no other choice but to endure and grow.
You are not defined by what happens to you. The difficult, painful, and ugly experiences can be tests; they may wear you down and break you apart, but they shouldn’t define your identity.
Failure does not make you a failure. Heartbreak doesn’t render you unworthy of love. You are not “not good enough” simply because you’ve told yourself that for years. Release the bitterness and resentment. Rally yourself as many times as necessary. You are not what happens to you; you are what you choose to become.
As I conclude this post, I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to all of you for your unwavering support, despite my erratic posting schedule over the past year. Your comments, emails, and love have meant the world to me. I couldn’t have made it through without my incredible husband, my rock; my wonderful mom, who ensured I never faced treatment alone, always bringing donuts for my amazing nurses (they are true heroes!); and my sister, who made sure I had my favorite snacks and Harry Potter movies ready every time I returned home from the hospital.
Love you all. I truly mean it.
