4 Mental Habits that Steal Happiness
When you ask people what they most desire in life, happiness is likely to be the predominant answer. However, if you ask them to define happiness, you might get as many definitions as there are individuals.
The term “happiness” often becomes a catch-all for our goals, dreams, and aspirations. It signifies a desire for life’s moments to flow smoothly and positively. Yet, it seems paradoxical—why do we consider happiness something that must be achieved or earned?
The reality is that happiness is not found but created. It’s formed by our own efforts. Personally, I feel immense happiness when I snuggle with my dog or spend quality time with loved ones. Conversely, our happiness can also be compromised by certain actions and thoughts that lead to sadness or a sense of being adrift.
These detrimental patterns of thought can diminish our joy. They are habits that clip our wings and hinder our happiness.
4 MENTAL HABITS THAT STEAL HAPPINESS
COMPARISONS
For those of us who grew up before the advent of social media, the habit of comparing ourselves to others isn’t new. We’ve always faced the “better” classmates or friends who vacationed in exotic locales while we spent our summers doing chores. Today, with platforms like Instagram, it’s easier than ever to see how our lives stack up against others.
This comparison game is particularly insidious, as it’s so easy to engage in yet incredibly difficult to escape. It’s one of the most harmful patterns of thought that robs us of our happiness.
Comparison steals your joy, and here’s why: it’s inherently unfair.
Every time you measure yourself against someone else, you overlook your own accomplishments. Even if aspects of your life seem adequate, you tend to assume that others enjoy a better existence.
But how can we be certain?
We are often filling in the blanks with assumptions, not facts. Comparisons yield no genuine value in our lives. Instead, focus on appreciation. Although this can be challenging, viewing someone else’s success as evidence that your dreams can also be realized can serve as inspiration rather than a source of discouragement.
FOCUSING ON THINGS YOU DON’T WANT
I frequently discuss the importance of maintaining a positive mindset and being present. Yet, here’s a truth: I’ve always had a tendency toward pessimism. My inclination to imagine worst-case scenarios often led me to fixate on what I didn’t want in life, fostering fear and anxiety.
Yes, I had aspirations, yet I seldom expressed them.
Instead, I often found myself dwelling on negative “what ifs” and obligations. It became clear to me that this was another mental habit that steals happiness. The topics I chose to contemplate were at odds with my aspirations.
Upon this realization, I noticed friends engaging in similar conversations, fixated on fears—whether discussing unfortunate events or celebrating someone else’s achievements with a hint of envy. This pervasive negativity became increasingly unsettling for me.
Determined to change, I began making a conscious effort to guard my language. While worry still exists, I now choose to direct my energy toward discussions about beauty, love, and inspiration.
CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK
“You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do” – Olin Miller
I’ve always been envious of those who appear unbothered by judgment. I used to believe that this fear dissipated with age—and it largely seems to be true.
At some point, you simply run out of concern.
For me, that moment arrived when I recognized that many of the attributes I feared being judged for were, in fact, what genuinely brought me joy. For instance, my relationship with my older husband faced skepticism when I was younger, with warnings that it wouldn’t last. Yet here we are, 11 years later, still going strong.
Many of us fall into the trap of trying to please everyone, which can be incredibly burdensome. While seeking acceptance is natural, it’s important to remember:
- People generally care less about you than you think.
- You can never please everyone, no matter how hard you try.
There are countless more significant things in life than the opinions of others.
One effective way to overcome the fear of validation is to step outside your comfort zone. Engage in activities that challenge you. Whether it’s going to a movie alone, traveling solo, or starting a blog, embracing vulnerability can empower you to be your true self, rather than conforming to societal expectations.
RELIVING YOUR PAST
In my experience, people often cling to their past for two main reasons: they either believe their previous life was significantly better or worse than their current state. This mindset is limiting. Whether you view your past as a golden era or as the root of your present challenges, you risk focusing on your constraints. Letting go can be daunting, but it’s also one of the most liberating steps you can take for self-improvement.
