How Self-Love Can Transform Your Life + 50 Ways To Practice More Self-Love
We all have our vulnerabilities.
For example, I tend to be quite a control enthusiast. There’s often only one way for things to proceed—MY way. Even I can find myself irritating at times. If things don’t unfold as I envisioned, I can dwell on it for days. The journey to relinquish that urge to control everything has taught me many valuable lessons.
Critiquing or blaming myself comes all too easily; sometimes, I do it unconsciously. I suspect many of you might relate to this.
Being kind, loving, and understanding is not always straightforward.
Why is that?
For many of us, it’s become a habitual tendency to put ourselves down without a second thought.
LET GO OF PERFECTIONISM
Perfectionism can often feel like a trap. When you’re caught in its grasp, there’s a powerful urge to control your emotions entirely. At some point, you may stop recognizing your own achievements, as that inner voice whispers, “Well… you could have done better.” It’s akin to adopting an all-or-nothing mindset, where anything less than perfect feels like failure. You can find yourself worrying about failing more than focusing on your actual goals.
The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.” ~ Mary Ann Evans
An essential part of this transformation involves concentrating on the positive aspects of your life. Reflect on what you’ve overcome and the accomplishments you’ve made. Can you channel your existing strengths or insights to move closer to your aspirations? Gradually, learn to release your need for control. I began this practice by placing myself in situations that I knew I couldn’t fully manage—my worst nightmare, if you will. However, once you embrace the idea of letting go of perfection, you may actually begin to enjoy life more. This journey is about finding the courage to be silly, to stumble, to adjust, or to be imperfect. Ultimately, you’ll discover that despite your best efforts to dominate every facet of life, some things remain beyond your control.
ESTABLISH HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial in any relationship, whether personal or professional. Many of us grow up learning to prioritize others over ourselves. Consequently, we can become so consumed with serving everyone else that we lose track of our own needs. For me, establishing healthy boundaries has drastically improved how I connect with others. I enjoy helping people, problem-solving, and if someone needs assistance, I’ll often go out of my way to make them happy. I never considered it unreasonable that I was often the listener rather than the speaker in conversations. Over time, many individuals learned to depend on my readiness to help, resulting in situations where I seldom heard “thank you.” My mother used to tell me that we do kind acts not for personal gain but out of genuine desire. While this is valid, I eventually realized that I lost sight of where my life ended and others’ lives began.
I experienced this quite a bit until my mid-twenties. Saying “no” was an immense challenge for me. I would take work calls on weekends and spend hours conversing. I would agree to activities I wasn’t interested in, meet people I didn’t wish to, and perform one favor after another. Eventually, I found that I could hardly focus on my own aspirations amidst my preoccupation with everyone else’s needs.
Then, I decided to prioritize myself a bit.
Well… not “selfish”—that doesn’t feel entirely accurate, even if it was the first word that popped into my head while writing this. Instead, I made a conscious decision to establish boundaries. I started to conserve my energy, and this decision has been genuinely transformational.
I no longer “bring” work home. On particularly challenging workdays, I practice deep breathing exercises while sitting in my car in the driveway before stepping inside my home, allowing me to leave my “work feelings” behind. Some friendships faded, but others flourished. Creating healthy boundaries is one of the most significant acts of self-love. It’s about defining limits at the point when you start to feel uncomfortable. You establish these boundaries because you deserve to, and let’s be clear: it’s not selfish.
Remember this: by allowing yourself to become the best version of yourself, you can then share that love and wisdom with the people you care about. If you spend your life sacrificing your own needs, plans, and dreams, you may never give yourself the opportunity to reach that point.
Also, see:
+ 50 Ways to Practice Self-Care
+ 7 Life-Changing Morning Rituals
+ It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
+20 Things to Start Doing for Yourself
CULTIVATE KINDNESS TOWARD YOURSELF
Being kind to your body, mind, and soul is among the most effective ways to practice self-love. Pay attention to your self-dialogue and be gentle with yourself. A significant portion of how we view ourselves often stems from past relationships. When someone close to us is particularly critical or dismissive, we may eventually internalize those sentiments. I was raised in a strict household where phrases like “You’re not good enough” or “You should try harder” were commonplace. No one ever taught me how to treat myself well.
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Be mindful of your self-talk. Be wary of what you say to yourself; even if you think you’re not listening, you truly are. Often, we overlook the manner in which we converse with ourselves, yet maintaining mindfulness is crucial. If you catch yourself being self-critical, remind yourself that chastising yourself for errors will only deepen your distress. Acknowledge those feelings and thoughts, then let them go. Self-love goes beyond merely liking yourself; it’s not just about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about genuinely appreciating who you are. It’s about pausing to affirm, “You know what? You’re doing a fantastic job!.”
I emphasize self-love and self-care frequently on this blog because I remember how I used to treat myself—as a teenager and a young adult. I often tormented myself with thoughts about why someone behaved a certain way toward me or why events unfolded as they did. I hear friends expressing their failures while seldom celebrating their successes. I also see my friend’s ten-year-old daughter wishing for blue eyes, or lamenting her weight, and it truly breaks my heart.
There’s nothing wrong with the desire to improve oneself— to grow, try new things, and evolve into a better person. However, as you learn and progress, take moments to acknowledge how far you’ve come. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Loving yourself is not selfish; it’s not about arrogance or feeling superior to others. Instead, it transcends mere self-acceptance.
