The Three Stooges Debunk myRA
By Dennis Miller, Editor, Money Forever
In a whimsical sketch, we find ourselves in a humorous examination of a government retirement program known as myRA. Though cloaked in the guise of support for ordinary people, skeptics question its viability and underlying intentions. Let’s join the beloved trio of Curly, Larry, and Moe as they unpack this initiative with their characteristic charm and wit.
The house lights dimmed, and a vibrant American flag gleamed in the background. The audience settled into silence as a figure donned in a peculiar outfit swaggered onto the stage.
Curly turned to Larry and Moe, exclaiming, “Look, it’s our favorite—Uncle Sam, our childhood hero!” Moe silenced him with a finger against his lips.
Uncle Sam tapped the microphone, and the sound reverberated through the hall. He boomed, “Hello, my fellow Americans!” The crowd erupted in cheers.
He continued, “Today marks the launch of an extraordinary deal. We all understand that IRAs and 401(k)s tend to benefit only the wealthy. I’m here to unveil a new savings program tailored for every ordinary citizen. Everyone deserves the chance to retire with dignity and security, and that’s precisely what we are bringing to you.”
After a brief pause for applause, he continued, “Introducing myRA! Participating employers can deduct as little as $5 from your paycheck, which will fund a new government bond. This bond will yield variable interest similar to that of the government Thrift Savings Plan G Fund. Best of all, it’s portable—if you change jobs, your funds move with you.”
“The details are being finalized, but your money can grow tax-free within secure, interest-bearing bonds. When it’s time to withdraw, you won’t owe any taxes either.”
“So there you have it! You can set aside small amounts from your paycheck, invest in reliable government bonds, and see your savings grow effortlessly along with Social Security—TAX-FREE! So, who could say Uncle Sam isn’t watching out for you?”
“I know you’re eager to begin, but let’s hold off for questions. Please raise your hand.”
myRA: A Ponzi Scheme?
Curly raised his hand, and Uncle Sam gestured toward him. “You, baldy, what’s your question?”
Curly cleared his throat and asked, “So it seems like the government is acting as an insurance company. We give you our money, and you safeguard it for our retirement, is that right?”
“That’s correct!” Uncle Sam replied enthusiastically. “Who else can guarantee safety like the US government?”
The trio exchanged puzzled looks.
Moe raised his hand, and Uncle Sam turned to him. “You, mop head, what’s your inquiry?”
Moe said, “But the national debt clock shows over $127 trillion in unfunded promises. How can we trust that our money is secure? Is it being used to uphold previous commitments?”
Uncle Sam hesitated briefly before saying, “Those specifics are yet to be decided. Younger generations will join this program, helping to support your retirement in the future.”
Moe could hardly contain himself. “Isn’t that a Ponzi scheme? Aren’t those illegal?”
Uncle Sam replied, “Ponzi schemes are illegal unless the government runs them. What’s the problem? Who doesn’t trust the government?”
Half of the audience cheered loudly while the others remained quiet.
Larry, not wanting to fall behind, raised his hand.
“You, half-bald mop-head, what’s your question?” Uncle Sam inquired.
Larry responded, “I have two questions: Why not just use a Roth IRA instead? They’re available to everyone! Also, can all self-directed retirement plans invest in government bonds if they wish?”
Uncle Sam’s expression turned crimson as he retorted, “Clearly, you don’t grasp the concept. No retirement program beats one entirely managed by the government. Enjoy a decent return without any concerns.”
Another Attempt to Grab Money
Larry protested, “Hold on! The government already has over $127 trillion in unkept commitments, and now you want us to invest with you at an interest rate you control? What’s the catch?”
Uncle Sam blushed with frustration and shouted, “Everyone knows the government is better at managing your money than you are! You’re all a bunch of stooges. This program is fantastic, but you’re too foolish to notice!”
Curly turned to his companions, “When Uncle Sam names it myRA, he’s right. ‘My’ means it’s his. We might be simple, but we’re not foolish. This is a bad idea—they just want to take our money to keep buying votes. I want nothing to do with it.”
“I heard that!” Uncle Sam screeched. “You’re the kind of people tearing America apart—greedy, selfish, and lacking compassion. Audience, don’t you agree?”
Half the audience leapt to their feet, cheering wildly, while the remainder sat silently. Once the clamor subsided, Larry spoke into the microphone, “It sounds like yet another money grab. We might do better just leaving the country.”
Uncle Sam realized he needed to win this debate. “Look, you unpatriotic radicals! We don’t want your type in this nation. Your values don’t belong in modern society. Fine, get out! Just leave your money behind. Audience, isn’t it time we tell these greedy individuals to leave? If they don’t care to share, let them go elsewhere. I’m tired of their selfish ways.”
Once again, half the audience jumped up, screaming in agreement, glaring at Larry, Curly, and Moe. The uproar continued as the quieter group began to exit with the stooges at the forefront. Moe whispered, “It seems the real stooges are those who fall for this scheme.” The 49 percent nodded in silent agreement.
In conclusion, while enticing, programs like myRA raise significant concerns about their sustainability and reliability. It’s essential to explore all available retirement options wisely—especially those that allow for greater autonomy and flexibility to secure a stable future.
Sincerely,
Dennis Miller
for Economic Prism
[Editor’s Note: Consider opting for a Roth IRA instead of myRA. It offers the same tax advantages with more investment flexibility, helping you keep pace with inflation and truly enjoy retirement. Snake oil remains snake oil, regardless of its packaging. Many alternatives exist to save for retirement without seeking assistance from the most financially strained entity. My weekly column, Miller’s Money Weekly, provides insights on protecting and enhancing your nest egg. Best of all, it’s free. Sign up today. The Three Stooges Debunk myRA was originally published at millersmoney.com.]
