In the vibrant landscape of Asia’s sex capital, a complex issue unfolds regarding international dating. The author of a recent piece seems to suggest that the primary concern with this phenomenon lies in its reinforcement of outdated gender roles. Yet, a critical question looms: how much of this “international dating” runs the risk of being implicated in sex trafficking?
Pairs of Asian women and non-Asian men of similar ages are notably scarce here, with many relationships showcasing significant age disparities—often of 20 years or more—even among long-term couples.
Foreign men, including those from China, seeking romance with local women (and men) may inadvertently foster a culture of resentment. Even expatriates refer to these individuals as “sexpats.”
I’ve encountered longtime expat friends who voice their frustrations about the local government’s stringent immigration processes compared to those in other countries. For instance, even individuals with long-term visas must check in with Immigration every three months. Numerous heartbreaking stories circulate on YouTube and in advice columns, recounting how women win a man’s heart, only to escalate financial demands due to purported family emergencies. When the man declines to oblige, the woman often retreats.
Furthermore, even if a boyfriend or husband possesses sufficient wealth, many foreigners fail to grasp that a woman’s first allegiance will always lie with her family. One local man, realizing this after being abandoned by a woman who chose a wealthy Austrian over him, made a vow to date orphans instead. He is currently in a relationship with a stunning Myanmar woman who was once sold into slavery by her family and managed to escape.
In essence, the oversimplifying portrayal of these dynamics frustrates me. It seems as if the author intentionally focused on the more palatable aspects of the phenomenon, avoiding the deeper layers of exploitation that frequently occur.
By Julia Meszaro, Associate Professor of Sociology, Texas A&M University-Commerce. Originally published at The Conversation
Fifteen years ago, when I embarked on my studies regarding the international dating industry, the topic was often dismissed. The phrase “mail-order bride” functioned as a punchline, evoking images of lonely men and impoverished women from Eastern Europe or Asia searching for husbands in the U.S.
Yet I have observed significant shifts in perspectives surrounding gender, intimacy, and global mobility. By 2025, men seeking love abroad may brand themselves as “passport bros”, proudly sharing their experiences on platforms like TikTok.
This new generation of young men may have reimagined international dating, but they echo an age-old narrative. Societal and economic transformations influence how individuals navigate love and labor across borders, a theme I delve into in my forthcoming book, “Economies of Gender.” In a tumultuous world, some individuals turn to traditional gender roles for a semblance of stability, often seeking connections abroad.
Old Industry, New Look
The term “mail-order bride” traces back to the 19th century, when frontier brides placed advertisements in newspapers appealing to single men in the American West. In the wake of the Civil War, many women ventured West to find security in marriages with men they had never met. This narrative persists in Western novels and cinema.
The contemporary international matchmaking landscape began in the 1970s, when catalogs featuring photographs and addresses of mainly Filipino women were marketed to American men. Through letter exchanges, these men would visit the Philippines to decide on potential marriages. While some scholars argue this acts as a form of human trafficking, contradictory evidence exists from other studies.
These catalog initiatives emerged as more American women entered the workforce and gained financial independence. Consequently, some men began to look for wives abroad whom they believed would embrace more conventional values prioritizing domestic roles and family.
Over the following decades, substantial job losses in stable, well-paying factories challenged many men’s self-perception as breadwinners.
By 2010, this catalog system transitioned online, expanding into a global market that generated $2 billion annually. Today, it encompasses various formats, primarily operating online through paid services for men, while women usually engage for free. Some agencies offer in-person tours, whereas higher-end, personalized matchmaking services are also available.
From Taboo to Televised
What was once considered socially unacceptable has been transformed into mainstream entertainment through reality TV. TLC’s successful series “90 Day Fiance,” which premiered in 2014, has turned international dating into a highly profitable franchise.
This show—and its many spin-offs—depicts couples navigating the K-1 visa process, which grants partners 90 days to marry after entering the U.S. If the marriage doesn’t occur, the foreign partner must return home.
While many couples meet each other organically, a significant number connect through online dating platforms or language exchange sites. Various storylines showcase family and friends of American partners casting doubts on the motivations of their foreign companions, accusing them of feigning affection for financial gain and access to a green card.
Viewers might be attracted to the show for its drama or romantic tales; however, the underlying themes reflect observations I’ve made in the field: relationships shaped by economic inequality and migration, with women often trading emotional, domestic, and sexual labor for financial stability.
Rise of the ‘Passport Bros’
Recently, the mail-order bride industry has undergone a cultural transformation, featuring younger and more diverse men identifying as “passport bros.” Typically, this group consists of men who are younger than traditional participants in the commercial international dating scene and more likely to be men of color.
These individuals often avoid formal dating services, opting to travel independently and utilizing free dating applications like Tinder to meet local women, particularly in Colombia, Brazil, and the Dominican Republic.
Passport bros express their motivations as a desire to encounter women who embody more traditional values compared to those they meet at home. Throughout interviews with American men from 2010 to 2022, many voiced frustrations about Western women seeming overly career-focused, which conflicted with their aspirations to be financial providers.
Moreover, my research in various countries reveals that many men engaging in international dating are motivated by more than just romance or cultural exploration. They are navigating a changing world where women’s financial autonomy has complicated traditional male identities. For certain men, traveling abroad serves as a method to reclaim control and find relationships that validate their sense of masculinity.
During my interviews, American men seeking connections abroad described feelings of empowerment and having options, especially as they felt overlooked in the U.S. dating scene. Many acknowledged that their relative economic advantages contributed to these dynamics. One man on a romance tour in Ukraine articulated his perspective in 2012: “I am here to exchange my financial stability for some Ukrainian woman’s youth and beauty, and I am OK with that.”
Appeal of ‘Tradition’
Together, these daters illustrate the global trends I’ve observed in my years of fieldwork: anxiety often stirs a desire for traditionalism.
What might seem like a nostalgic return to the past is, in reality, an adaptation to contemporary circumstances. The romance tours, the “90 Day Fiance” phenomenon, and the rise of passport bros highlight how individuals harness relationships to cope with the economic uncertainties of modernity. Traditional gender roles become a means to restore order and identity.
Over the past two decades, rising inflation, stagnant wages, and housing shortages have left many individuals, especially younger generations, feeling economically constrained. The COVID-19 pandemic has worsened these disparities, pushing millions out of work and intensifying the challenges of unpaid caregiving, particularly for women.
In times of uncertainty, societies often revert to familiar narratives. Traditional gender roles offer an illusion of stability and structure, even if they sustain inequality. The ideal of the dependable male provider and nurturing homemaker reemerges, presenting a seemingly uncomplicated solution to the anxieties exacerbated by the modern economy.
As a sociologist, my aim is to delve into these dynamics to not only understand dating trends but also to trace how societies perpetuate inequality through personal connections. Until we address issues like stagnant wages, increasing costs, and a weakened social safety net, I suspect the longing for a well-defined, gendered hierarchy will continue. In this system, men are assured of women’s labor while women cling to the hope of economic security—often falsely equated with romantic fulfillment.
