Life is full of challenges that can shake us to our core and leave us feeling lost. Many of us experience periods where we question our identity and wonder if we are slipping away from the person we once were. These moments can be overwhelming, making it seem as though we are losing everything that defines us.
When you face significant life changes, it’s easy to feel like your growth has come to a halt. It can be disheartening, especially when it appears that everyone around you is thriving, progressing, and succeeding. This feeling can deeply impact your confidence, motivation, and inner drive.
I’ve always been dedicated to personal growth and self-improvement, which is evident in the content I create. However, when life threw unexpected challenges my way, I felt unprepared. I found myself grappling with issues I’d never encountered before, and despite the support from friends, family, and professionals, I felt my personal growth stagnate. My urge to grow remained strong, yet I struggled to accomplish even basic tasks, such as finishing a book. It felt like a part of me was broken, and I didn’t know how to mend it.
After dealing with these setbacks, a pressing question emerged: where do I go from here? How do I begin anew?
STOP LOOKING BACK…
… because you’re not headed that way! Initially, I thought this was a rather cheesy motivational quote, but there’s truth to it.
If you’ve ever faced a significant setback, you may have found yourself yearning for a return to the status quo, thinking, “I just want things to go back to normal.” When life hands you difficulties, it’s natural to reminisce about better times.
I spent years revisiting those memories, gazing at photos from happier times, longing for the days when I felt healthy and joyful. I tried to recreate my routine, hoping to somehow reignite that sense of well-being. I’d obsessively think about the little things: “Which candle did I light on weekends? What TV shows did I enjoy? Which recipes excited me? When did I usually do my grocery shopping?” Initially, I convinced myself that these actions were helping me regain my old identity. However, some days, lighting that familiar candle would bring me to tears, reaffirming my obsession with my former life. I realized how this fixation was exhausting and unhealthy.
For too long, I clung to the thought: “I need to be my old self again;” or “I have to reclaim my past.”
But this mindset was a significant hurdle.
It took time for me to accept that returning to my former self was impossible. Life changes us, and that’s a fundamental truth. My obsession with reclaiming my past was blocking my growth and healing. How could I resume being my “old self” when life had transformed me into someone new? Instead of longing for what was lost, why not view these experiences as lessons that have made me stronger and wiser? Rather than returning to an old version of myself, I could strive to become an even better person. No matter what challenges you’ve faced or are working to overcome, stop dwelling on the past. Reliving “the good old days” or past mistakes only hinders your progress.
FORGET THE BIG PICTURE (JUST FOR A MINUTE)
I’ve always preferred breaking down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks. Looking at the “big picture” can feel overwhelming, often making aspirations seem unattainable. That’s why focusing on small, action-oriented tasks is more effective—it feels less daunting.
However, when life turns chaotic and you lose control, it’s hard not to become fixated on that daunting big picture. This can create a negative cycle, spiraling down into feelings of hopelessness. So, take a moment to set aside those larger concerns.
Instead, focus on achievable goals—things you can accomplish today. This strategy can help restore your sense of routine and normalcy. Following the loss of my Gran and my accident just six months later, even simple tasks became monumental challenges.
- Getting out of bed.
- Going to work.
- Eating.
- Doing laundry.
- Engaging with others.
- Taking care of myself.
Actions that once felt effortless morphed into burdens I kept postponing. Things I previously enjoyed now seemed beyond my reach. Therefore, I began setting small, achievable goals—like “today I will wake up early.” When your growth feels stagnant or regressive, even minor achievements, like rising early, can feel like significant victories. Learn to celebrate each one.
MEET YOURSELF EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE
There will be days when you feel energized and empowered to make progress toward your goals, and others when you feel exhausted and defeated. It’s unrealistic to expect yourself to give 100% every day. Especially when you’re attempting to regain control over your self-growth or ambitions.
This is why it’s crucial to accept yourself exactly where you are.
Make a habit of checking in with yourself; acknowledge your feelings and emotions. Once you develop a routine of self-reflection, you’ll become more aware of your mindset. You’ll learn when to push yourself harder and when to be gentler. Cultivating a nourishing relationship with yourself is essential, as this is a journey only you can undertake.
GET SOME PERSPECTIVE
Practicing gratitude has supported me during my toughest moments. Even in dark times, it’s possible to identify elements that bring joy and ease to our lives.
I know it’s a cliché, and acknowledging that makes it… well, cliché.
Nevertheless, it holds true. When you focus on the positive aspects of life, your perspective will shift. The key is to make gratitude a part of your daily practice. Just as negative thoughts can snowball, cultivating a focus on positivity will invite more uplifting emotions into your life. This commitment is essential; practicing gratitude each day conditions your mind to embrace the brighter sides of life.
I’ve had days plagued with pain where all I could do was rest on the couch, glued to my laptop. Often, I would come across stories of people facing far worse circumstances, showcasing immense strength and resilience despite their struggles. In those moments, I felt an instant wave of guilt and shame—how could I allow my health issues to consume my life when I still had my mobility and could work?
Others have it worse.
There it is—the classic “get a grip” argument that I’ve often told myself and that others would bring up. And yes, it’s essential to gain some perspective for continued self-growth. However, this becomes more challenging when the obstacles you face are life-altering or can lead to lifelong struggles. Many people contend with heartbreaking circumstances, and remembering this can provide perspective, but it doesn’t diminish the validity of your own feelings and struggles.
